A teenager attempted suicide by jumping off the ninth story of his apartment building — and survived. Think this is the next Hollywood film? For then 18-year-old Jordan Burnham, it was no movie.
On Sept. 28, 2007, Burnham was seeking an end but received a new beginning.
Now, he uses his story to inform others about mental health and suicide prevention. He hopes to prevent others from going through what he did. On Oct. 19, he spoke to students at The Commons Residence Hall.
It seemed shocking that the humorous Burnham had tried to end his life three years ago.
He asked the audience what they thought of when they heard the words “mental health.” Some responses were shaved heads, Lindsey Lohan, Lady Gaga outfits and Britney Spears. Burnham said that people don’t apply these words to someone like him and others who try to take their lives.
Burnham said that some mental health issues are brought on by a number of things, including break ups, divorce, arguments and loss of loved ones. These stressers can make the average person temporarily depressed, he said Mental health disorders aren’t always temporary and many are reoccurring such as depression, obsessive-compulsive disorder, attention deficit hyper-activity disorder and eating disorders.
Most people with symptoms of mental health disorders don’t get the help they need because of the stigma attached to mental health, Burnham said.
“They’re afraid to be judged. But I hope that by the end of this session, you won’t be afraid to talk about it,” he said.
Burnham’s problems began with transitions. He went to a new school in third grade and was teased.
“Black kids would come up to me and say ‘Jordan, you don’t act black,’” he said.
Burnham said that two events slowed the improvement of his life. First, his sister, who was his best friend, left home for Pennsylvania State University. Second, his father got a new job in Philadelphia. Burnham said he had to choose between leaving his mother in Penn Hills, Pa. and going with his father. to Philadelphia. He said he moved and thought he would adjust quickly, but that did not happen.
“I started getting made fun of again. My sister wasn’t there when I got home. My dad had a new job. I felt guilty that I left my mom and I didn’t want to bother my sister because I knew she was studying,” Burnham said.
Still, he refused to seek help.
“I thought you had to be going through something really bad, not just having a bad day,” he said.
Burnham said he began losing his appetite and had trouble getting out of bed. He held everything inside. Yet by ninth grade, Burnham almost became class president.
“But, I felt like it wasn’t the real me. I’d rather be accepted for the person I wasn’t than hated for the person I really was,” he said.
He began drinking because he felt that he could blame his problems on the alcohol. He began to get panic and anxiety attacks and didn’t know why.
“My emotions were like a rubber band. I held it in and stretched the rubber band back, but then it snapped,” he said.
The snap came when Burnham took his driver’s license test. He said he got frustrated when he hit the curb five times while practicing. He held his frustration inside but let it go after he failed the stopping portion of the test three times.
“I started yelling at my instructor and cursing at my dad. ‘Where did this Jordan come from?’” he said.
At that point, Burnham said he went to a therapist and was diagnosed with depression.
“When most people are depressed, they know why. With my depression, I had no idea why I was so down,” he said.
Burnham said that depression caused him to focus on the negative so much that he ignored positive things.
During his junior year, Burnham said he felt pressure to live up to his sister’s accomplishments and expectations. He said he wasn’t taking his depression seriously and cheated on his girlfriend. People started mocking him.
“I started beating myself up about it. People joke but you have no idea what that person is going through,” he said.
Burnham said that when someone’s main support system is gone, he or she needs to know what the second step is. For him, it was his girlfriend. She brought her concerns about him to his parents and Burnham went to a mental hospital for a week.
“There were no padded walls or straightjackets. Just people who looked like me,” he said.
Burnham said everything that happened was his fault.
“I would say ‘I’m sorry I’m a failure.’ I threw a party to celebrate senior year and put my dad’s job at my school in jeopardy. I put everyone’s weight on my shoulders,” he said.
When his dad found alcohol in Burnham’s trunk, Burnham said he thought he didn’t belong with his dad anymore.
“That was the night I tried to take my own life. I broke many bones, including my jaw in four places,” he said. “I was in a coma for five days. I don’t remember going out that window. It was impulsive.”
After his lecture, Burnham said that he had thought of suicide many times.
“It’s all impulsive. Something triggers it. It can be getting picked on, made fun of, or whatever else. Now, I have a definite reason,” he said. “Just because the thoughts are there, it doesn’t mean it needs to happen or that they’ll be there forever. The moment passes.”
Burnham said he enjoys telling his because it allows him to reach out to others. He recommended that students have strong support systems and friends who won’t judge them. He also recommended taking medication and meeting with a therapist regularly if someone is diagnosed with depression.
