Flu season is almost here. Get prepared for flu season. Flu season is just around the corner. I hear this so much, it makes me want to run home, jump in bed and pull the covers over my head until flu season is over. But I have a job. I have classes to go to. Quitting either of those is out of the question. So instead, I’ve decided to become a germophobe to combat flu season. Here are some ideas in case you want to join me.
Don’t be down with OPP.
That’s other people’s phones. Do you know how many cracks and holes there are on a phone where germs can hide? Do you think anyone ever unscrewed that mouthpiece and cleaned the inside of those holes that we talk into? There’s probably germs in there from the past six employees who had that phone, not to mention all the non-germaphobes who borrowed it and held it close to their lips. There is just no way to make that phone germ–free. So, just don’t use it.
Walk slowly and carry a big can of Lysol
If you have to go to class on the second or third floor of a building, you will have to touch something germy to get there. You either have to push the elevator button or grab that door handle to the stairwell. Just imagine how many people have touched those things before you. Have you ever seen the cleaning crew cleaning a door handle or an elevator button? I haven’t. So, you can either stand there, looking foolish, waiting for someone to come and push the button or open the door for you, or you can douse it with a spray of Lysol.
Always carry a sweater
Know that one classmate who always whispers to you while the teacher is talking? What about that person who can’t tell you anything unless they’re two inches from your face. And don’t forget those people who spit while they talk. It’s like a projectile germ bomb. Protect yourself from these people and their germs. Throw the sweater over your head and hide whenever they lean in or get too close.
And never, ever share writing utensils
Have you seen what people do with these things? They chew on them like they haven’t eaten in a week. They suck the end. They scratch their ears. No amount of Lysol can make them sanitary. Always carry your own pen and never let anyone borrow it no matter how much they beg. It only takes a second to stick it in contaminated territory.
So, if you don’t want to hear about flu season anymore and fight the urge to flee, join me and become a germophobe. You’ll be prepared for any germ that comes along.