It’s OK to get engaged while still in college
by Keren Moros
Ever since I was a little girl, I’ve heard stories of my parents’ married years at college: the fun they had, the classes they took, the late night study sessions, the friendships and student activities — they taught me that it’s possible to enjoy college with a significant other.
I realize that serious relationships during the college years are not for everyone. After all, it’s not something people should just jump into. But I don’t believe that students who become engaged — or married in some cases — deserve to be maligned for their life choices. Different couples have different stories and people shouldn’t judge a couple unless they know the couple’s whole story, keeping in mind that all people are different and are in different stages of maturity.
I know someone who married while finishing his undergraduate studies. Another person I know married in his early twenties before receiving a college degree, then went on to a job, wedded bliss, undergraduate studies, and eventually a baby. Someone else I know had the same boyfriend all through college and married him recently. Everyone’s story is different, and everyone’s love story is special no matter where it started.
Students often make a commitment to a career when they enter college; others make a commitment to a life partner. Some people say that college students should focus on their studies before getting married, and that’s true for many students. But for other students, handling a serious relationship while in college is just another one of life’s balancing acts. Besides, after college graduation, many people will have to balance work and personal lives, children and mortgages, careers and hobbies, and lots of other details.
Some people say that college students are too young to attach themselves to one person for the rest of their lives. But this just undermines all the love stories that started in people’s younger years. There’s nothing wrong with making a commitment to someone you love after you’ve seriously considered how that commitment will change your life.
Saying that young couples are throwing their lives away and can’t possibly know that they’ve found their soulmates dismisses their feelings. I’m willing to believe that people who truly love each other are willing to make things work — including those in college.
It’s best to wait
by Nadira St. Hilaire
We spend most of our days in a rush — rushing through traffic, rushing to class or rushing to finish our homework.
But the biggest rush many of us seem to be in is to get married. But what is the big rush to put a ring on it? Many people think it’s okay to get engaged before experiencing life, but I don’t think people realize the kind of commitment that marriage takes. You can’t commit yourself to one person if you can’t even commit yourself to turning in your homework on time.
The average age of a graduating undergraduate student is 22 to 25. To think that by this age, they have met the one and only person that will ever turn their head or make them happy is ridiculous.
To then make the decision to get engaged to that person, while still in college, is insane. Yes, you might be in love, and yes, you might believe that you have found the one, but after a little taste of the reality of marriage, many people realize that living and sharing everything with one person forever is a really big mistake. Of course, there has been some success when it comes to people finding their soul mates in college, but that’s not the norm.
I’m not saying students should not get engaged before gradation; I’m just saying that it should not be rushed. I am a college student now, and I have already seen a lot of the world and have experienced great things, but in a few years, I’m going to graduate. When I’m finished with college, I will be able to experience even greater things, or at least have the option to choose whether I would like to share my experiences with someone else or not. That’s the great thing about being single or in a less serious relationship.
It’s okay to be with one person for many years, because if you suddenly decide that they are just not the one, you can end the relationship. When you’re engaged or married, it’s not so easy. People can be together and commit their time and their energy to each other without rushing into marriage. It’s too big of a commitment that many people don’t really take into consideration. So many people think that they have found the one they want to spend the rest of their life with, but to me, college is just a small chunk of your life. After college is when you truly experience life and are able to figure out what is right for you and what isn’t.
Getting engaged is like putting someone else in your personal bubble, and when you’re attached to this one person for the rest of your life, every decision you make is going to affect not only you, but this person as well. You are giving up the opportunity to think for yourself and act on your own.
It’s great to fall in love, become exclusive with someone and feel that your significant other is your soul mate. But we can wait until after we finish school to think about marriage, because if that person loves you enough to stick around throughout college, they will most likely stick around throughout the rest of your life, and that is what a good relationship is supposed to be.
