Bro, if there’s one person who knows how to run a country, it’s Kanye West. Mr. West, America’s most beloved rapper, announced at the 2015 VMA’s that he will be running for president in 2020. Finally, a candidate worth voting for.
Mr. West’s 11-minute rant at the VMA’s left us all wondering why we never considered him as a presidential candidate before. I mean, come on, who else would put the politics in politically incorrect? The college dropout is clearly over-qualified for the candidacy run, which is why he’s already trumped several of his competing colleagues, including rapper Waka Flocka Flame.
Aside from dominating polls, Mr. West already has the support of former and current presidents. Obama pleasantly refers to him as “jackass” and his BFF Bush confesses that West contributed to one his most memorable moments of his presidency.
One could only imagine what spectacular aspects Mr. West would bring to the table while in office. He’d simplify direction. There’s no need for east if we’ve got West. He’d teach us the importance of swag and how to have it on one hundred, thousand, trillion. He’d probably declare the re-writing of history books, replacing all important historical figures with a moniker of his own. Martin Luther Kanye, Booker T. Westington, Kanye the Great. Sorry, Jesus, it’s Yeezus for now on.
The first family would surely be one of our finest. Kim Kardashian as first lady? Perfection. Pure jezebel perfection. As one of the classiest women in our society today, Kim would help young girls conquer their insecurities by promoting plastic surgery and reinforcing the importance of “likes” on social media, and she will certainly increase the revenue in the film industry with all the sex-tapes America would be producing. Feminists, rejoice; we’ve finally got one of our own in the office.
Mr. West may not understand award shows, but he obviously comprehends the responsibilities of politics. While he modestly considers himself “no politician, bro,” we the people think otherwise. Nothing says support like being booed by 60,000 people at a baseball game—you know, America’s favorite sport.
America needs the majestic Mr. West as president. The positive impacts he would have on this country would be endless. Just think about it, we wouldn’t lose any wars ‘cause Kanye always wins. He’d love his country as much as he loves himself. He’d die for artists’ opinions but still remain alive to tell the story. And lastly, he’d pass the law that all awards must be given to Beyoncé, because America must respect artistry.
As an advocate for “listening to the kids,” 38-year-old Mr. West trusts his fellow Millennial’s opinion. This is why he’d appoint 15-year-old Iowa native and popular write-in candidate Brady Olson, a.k.a Deez Nuts, to run alongside him during his campaign. Obama, you were right, it’s time for a change. Kanye will let you finish, but know that Mr. West will have the best presidential term of all time. Vote fo’ Kanye, y’all.
