The city council of Oldnewtownsburg, Miss. voted unanimously in support of a bill that will require every citizen and visitor of the town to wear a government-issued uniform.
Dadeville, Ala. issued a similar city ordinance last week that outlawed saggy pants, short skirts and short shorts. The city council of Oldnewtownsburg admits that they were inspired by the Alabama ordinance, but they didn’t think the law went far enough.
Oldnewtownsburg City Councilor Hank Dickens said, “I like the idea of making sure our girls stay classy and our boys don’t look like hooligans, but outlawing only a couple articles of clothing is ineffective, and updating the law every so often to include new styles is too difficult. Why not take it a step further? The best way to solve the dire issue of the citizens’ inappropriate taste of clothing is to issue a mandatory uniform.”
The Oldnewtownsburg uniform offers a wide variety of trendy options to choose from. Men can pair long pants or cargo shorts with short sleeve or long sleeve polos. Women can select long, floor-length skirts, wide-legged pants or, if they’re feeling a bit adventurous, loose-fitting Bermuda shorts. All polos will be available in red, white and blue to foster a stronger, more universal sense of patriotism.
“We live in a country that values individuality and personal freedom, and those values are very important to us,” said Dickens. “For this reason, citizens are free to express themselves with different shoes and accessories.”
Dickens explained that the purpose of this new legislation is to prevent crime and create a happier, safer and more wholesome society.
“One in every six women is a victim of rape. We care about the safety of our female citizens and aim to lower that statistic by addressing the source of the problem: trashy and revealing outfits,” said Dickens. “Also, considering most organized and violent crime is committed in denim and t-shirts, it only makes sense to outlaw them.”
In addition to the uniform, Oldnewtownsburg will also add a new division to their police force. The new officers, the fashion police, will be in charge of enforcing this new law. The fashion police will walk around with rulers and verify that shorts are no shorter than exactly one inch below the knee, and they will issue citations for any violation of the town-wide uniform.
Surveys conducted by town officials indicate that the town-wide uniform is heavily supported by parents and the elderly community, but youths argue that the law goes too far.
“I think this law is creepy, and I don’t think the government should have the right to tell me what to wear,” argued 22-year-old Ashley Jensen. “If I want to wear jeans, shorts or something revealing, I should ultimately be allowed to express myself. I don’t need a uniform to feel protected because it doesn’t have any impact on my safety.”
48-year-old father of three George Campbell disagrees and stated that while we all reserve the right to be ourselves, we can only do so as long as it applies to what society deems as acceptable.
“The government reserves the right to verify that we aren’t breaking social codes and grossing people out and making people feel unsafe,” Campbell said. “Visible knee caps, obvious figures and casual attire violate everyone else’s right to feel comfortable in public. If this bothers you, quit being selfish, and cover up.”
Charges for breaking this law are punishable by a $500 fine or up to five years in jail, just a small price to pay for the safety, health and happiness of the rest of its citizens.
