By Micaela Carou
That moment of selecting our object of interest, the momentum that the act of flirting and the anticipation that causes all kinds of physical and emotional reactions as we await his or her answer to “Do you want to go out on a date this Friday?” are apparently things of the past. A nicely-planned candlelit dinner is replaced by a late-night text invitation to “Netflix and chill.” There’s no more looking forward to a weekend where an afternoon picnic is followed by a movie date and possibly a quick kiss by the doorsteps. Looking forward to the weekend has turned into exchanging pictures on the phone to raise our crush’s excitement to see us – actually see us. A fast swipe left on an app like Tinder has taken the place of looking at someone from afar – waiting for that person to lift their gaze and hopefully cross ours to communicate our interest. Today’s ways of dating and relating to others are immediate and disposable.
For us, the generation of millennials who breathe through our phones, this new format of socialization seems not only convenient but also natural. Dating apps, such as Tinder, have allowed for us to constantly search for both males and females. A quick swipe left or right might determine plans for Friday night. That easy access and effortless act of selection is in fact what makes hook-up culture so much more accessible to the college community than the “work” of having to ask someone out on a date, dress up and make plans that go beyond chilling in pajamas on the couch with a stranger.
Strangely enough, in the virtual socialization era where lack of old-time romance and courtship seem to rule, a lot of young women are obsessed with watching the pop culture show “The Bachelor,” a reality TV show about an attractive man who undergoes a heart-wrenching journey to find a wife. “The Bachelor,” now in its 21st season, meets over 30 women with whom he develops romantic relationships. He attends several group and individual exotic and extravagant dates to ultimately hand out roses until the final one is left. That final rose is the prize of the lucky girl who gets proposed to on national TV.
Dating is a show, a spectacle that some women seem to enjoy only as spectators.
Let’s not forget the challenge that men must face in today’s dating scene. As feminism becomes a strong movement within our young population, many women argue that their strength, power and independence are somehow compromised with a male figure next to them. This is portrayed in the ABC show “Scandal”. The main protagonist is a strong, successful, African-American female lawyer who by the power of love and her intelligence manipulates no other than the president of the United States. He needs her, he loves her, while she feels debilitated by his love; therefore, she fights against her feelings and rejects him in order to keep her sanity, reputation, dignity and sense of control. When analyzing this show, it is clear that the message it conveys is that a woman must remain emotionally detached in order to keep her high-profile status and remain in control of her professional life. I’m not suggesting that feminist power and romance cannot coexist; however, the messages that we get through pop culture portray powerful female protagonists and convey images of strong, independent, self-fulfilled women. These women only become weak in the presence of a man, who is portrayed as a distraction, an evil force that detours women from power.
Since this week we are celebrating the day of love and friendship, I don’t want to accept that romance is a thing of the past. I would like to get chocolates, flowers perhaps, and most of all, a sense that I do have someone that looks at me like the Bachelor looks at the 30 plus women who crave his love. So on Valentine’s Day, either by selecting a date on Tinder or contacting an old flame on social media and exercising some virtual flirting, get some chocolates, wear something red and don’t forget that this is the day we celebrate love, so start showing it.
