Janai Sinclair-Bell is a senior communication major with a minor in visual art. She’s also a commuter student who maintains a job on campus with Student Media.
Every now and then, as students we can hit a bump in the road and become frustrated about it. For many students, these bumps tend to manifest in the form of family conflicts. Conflicts are a natural part of living a family-oriented life. The way we choose to resolve those issues can have a huge impact on the things that happen around us, especially in regard to academics.
Cool, calm and collected
Resolving a conflict in a calm and easy tone will allow your family to follow by example. For example, if you plan on screaming, casting blame and acting irrational, don’t be surprised when that same behavior is reflected in your family member’s behavior. Handling those conflicts in a composed manner can help to foster a strong relationship with your loved ones moving forward.
Listen before you speak
Each family member should do his or her best to listen to the perspectives of everyone involved in order to clarify the differences in the disagreement. When doing so, use phrases such as “I’m not sure I understand. Do you mean — ?” This allows the other party to address concerns without feeling threatened or misunderstood.
Direct your anger away from the individual(s)
Remember that it’s you and your family versus the conflict, not you against your family. Once the problem is understood, everyone can collectively begin to work on adjustments that have everyone’s best interest at heart. Everyone in the family should be heard and their angle should be recognized. Despite your differences, at the end of the day that’s family and you care and love each other.
Don’t let things fester…
If a conflict begins to get out of hand, it’s important to get it resolved as soon as possible instead of letting it intensify. Don’t allow an unresolved conflict to be a blockage in your family’s relationship.
… But know when to pause for a beat
If a conflict has been blown out of proportion, it might be best to take a break, breathe and try again. Or, if that doesn’t help, consider meeting with a professional. Don’t try to brush the issue under the rug. Revisit the problem once everyone has taken a breather, and is ready to develop a solution that meets everyone’s needs.
See conflicts as opportunities for growth
Conflicts can be a great opportunity to enhance your communication skills, discuss problems that truly matter, create a stronger relationship with the people you truly love and most importantly for self-growth. Conflicts cannot be avoided indefinitely — they’re a part of life — but they can most definitely be resolved, reconstructed and embraced as a life lesson. Conflicts teach us a little bit more about love and how to be loved. Change doesn’t start with the other person; it starts with you.
