The following is a satirical piece, meaning that this piece is full of humor, exaggeration, irony and other techniques to create a ridiculous story. This piece is purely entertaining and not meant to be taken seriously under any circumstances. This piece does not reflect the views of the writer, Nova Southeastern University or The Current as a whole. With this in mind, please enjoy.
Yesterday evening at midnight Nova Southeastern University announced their new major: Waiting Studies. The major will specialize in the study of waiting, a field where many NSU students already have lots of experience.
Waiting studies is designed to analyze the waiting that students at NSU partake in: waiting in line at Starbucks, Einstein’s and many other food options on campus, waiting to find out who their new academic advisor is, waiting for a laundry machine to be available, waiting for that last class they need for their major to finally be available and waiting for the Shark Shuttle. Since there is lots to research, NSU has decided to dedicate a major to the study.
Waiting Studies will have its own department: The Department of Waiting Studies and Other Time-Consuming Activities. This is only a working title, as we are still waiting for an official name.
I’ym Tieyerd, an NSU representative, when asked about what professors would be hired, had this to say: “We are still waiting to hear back from prospective professors, but that’s kind of the point, right?”
A brief list of major-specific classes includes Intro to Waiting, Advanced Waiting, Waiting in Line, Waiting on the Phone, Conflicts in Waiting and Impatience and Waiting. Waiting majors will only be able to take one major-specific class per semester. They will have to wait for the rest.
The major will begin in the 2022 fall semester with its first graduates expected by spring of 2035.
An unnamed NSU professor responded to hearing the news about the new major: “Why are you asking for my opinion on this? I’m a business administration professor. I don’t have anything to do with this.”
The new major is expected to attract students from around the world to participate in this ground-breaking program. The anticipated flood of new students created by the major is expected to cause even more waiting on campus.
The major is currently full, but students can join a waitlist for the program.
