Every romantic comedy is usually easy to digest. The tropes are familiar and although the movies may be a bit bad, it comes with comedic relief. That wasn’t the case with “Marry Me.”
From the start, the promotion for this film gave the audience an understanding of how terrible it was going to be. Having celebrity singer-songwriters as actors was the first mistake; Jennifer Lopez and Juan Luis Londoño Arias, professionally known as Maluma, were not cut out to be actors. Every attempt towards emotion was a joke, as these singers couldn’t properly display any emotions. It felt like they were reading the script for the first time. This movie made Lopez look terrible in so many different ways, especially since it felt like the audience had to constantly compare her to Maluma. Her Spanish isn’t the best because it isn’t her first language. Putting her next to Maluma, who speaks perfect Spanish, felt like an unfair set up. Her musical talents were also put into question as a result of having Maluma in the movie. Most of the songs in the soundtrack are sung by her and a majority of them are terrible. They don’t follow her musical style at all. Maluma has barely two songs in the soundtrack and both of them match his musical style as an actual artist. For a majority of the movie, Maluma is acting as basically another version of himself so he doesn’t seem that awkward. However, the same can’t be said for Lopez. It feels like she’s being forced to be something she’s not, which is odd since she plays a superstar and that’s exactly what she is.
I wish I could give Lopez the benefit of the doubt, but it just continues to get worse as the movie progresses. The opening number for the movie is blasphemous. She sexualizes religion through her performance of the song “Church.” Backup dancers are dressed in provocative nun outfits while Jennifer Lopez is dressed in a bedazzled cross that barely covers her body. The performance backdrop is even of the inside of a church. There was no real reason for this performance, it added nothing to the plot and honestly just set the disturbing tone for the rest of the movie.
Jennifer Lopez constantly made the stupidest decisions ever. To summarize one of them, she was given the options of choosing between going to Puerto Rico with a rich superstar or going to a middle school semi-formal with a stranger she met a couple months ago and she chose the latter.
Owen Wilson isn’t off the hook either. There is no world in which Jennifer Lopez would ever have a relationship with him. It doesn’t make sense for him to be casted. His awkward flare makes the movie even worse. It felt like watching a middle school couple interact whenever they were on screen. It gets even worse than just the awkward tension and terrible kissing, as there were multiple scenes that insinuated intimate moments between the two of them. I couldn’t describe the spine chilling disgust that came from seeing that.
“Marry Me” is a terrible movie. There is nothing that could ever fix the irreversible damage that this movie has done. Being traumatized by all of the outlandish elements was just part of the experience. With that being said, everyone should watch this movie to experience how truly horrendous it is for themselves.
