In the April 1 issue of The Current, Michelle Rushefky wrote a review of Susan Patton’s “Marry Smart.” Here is the male perspective of the theories presented in the book.
Susan Patton, aka “the Princeton Mom,” has some extremely controversial theories in her new book “Marry Smart.” The book introduces her theory that women should try to find a man to marry in college, then tries to explain her reasoning behind this.
Even though many of her words are outlandish, we can’t dismiss the fact that she does present some brilliant theories and we really shouldn’t dismiss her advice completely. But, before getting to the parts I agree with, allow me to elaborate on the theories that, as a man, I disagree with.
In her chapter “It’s Harder for us Smart Women” she said women shouldn’t marry men that aren’t as smart as they are. This statement is completely untrue and offensive. Here’s why: love is completely blind. A man could have a low IQ, but if he loves a person with all of his heart and that love is requited, then it isn’t possible to find a better person to marry. Because a man who truly loves a woman will do anything for that woman and he’ll find ways to support her. He’ll find ways to make her happy and he will always do the best he can for her, because for him, there is no other woman.
Another theory I found offensive in the book was the quote, “It’s amazing how forgiving men can be about a woman’s lack of erudition, if she is exceptionally pretty.” This quote conveys the idea that all men only care about sex when it comes to dating and marriage.
This idea is completely untrue. Men can marry women for a multitude of reasons. The intelligent ones will not marry a woman solely because of her intelligence or her looks but because of the person on the inside.
The best example of the type of woman whom men fantasize about marrying is Melanie in “Gone with the Wind.” She’s a woman who sees the good in everything and everyone, no matter what happens. She’s completely incapable of hatred and she sees through the masks people put on. I mention this character because even if she had acne and was horribly obese, the intelligent man — the ideal man that Patton describes — will see though her physical flaws and choose her over the physically beautiful woman.
This takes us to Patton’s next outlandish theory. In her “Smart is Sexy” chapter, she tells women, “Do everything you can to look as good as possible by the time you get to college,” which includes getting cosmetic surgery and making whatever physical alterations you can, so you can reflect your best self.
One thing that Patton forgot to clarify is that these women will only attract a specific bracket of men who only look at physical beauty — exactly whom women should not marry. She advises women to make physical alterations in the name of marriage, which contradicts her idea of women marrying “smart.” Women should strive to be themselves and attract men who want them for who they are. Men attracted to a woman who’s beautiful because she made physical alterations in order to get a man will leave as fast as they came because that’s the attraction — looks, not the inner self.
The kind of man you want is the one who sees who you are behind the looks. So, women, be who you are and the right man will find you. The type of man who’s going to take care of you and love you in sickness and in heath will love you no matter what you look like.
This brings me to the hardest part of this article, which is recognizing that this woman actually has some good ideas. Patton has an elaborate explanation on why women shouldn’t date the “bad” boys or the “crazy” boys, which can be summed up in her sentence, “Bad boys grow up to be bad husbands and bad fathers.”
I’ve been waiting my whole life for an educated woman to say this. For too long, I’ve seen beautiful, educated women choose the bad boy over the nice guy because he’s initially more attractive than the nice guy. Many women, at one point in their lives, have chosen “bad boys” because they think that they can change them and because their unpredictability makes them more attractive.
So, thank you, Patton, for having the guts to say this. You certainly have my respect for it.
Let me tell you a thing or two about “bad boys.” They all have the same opinion of women: they think of them as nothing more than porno ventures. Girls, please fight any urge you have to date the bad boys.
In the same section of her book, Patton delivers a beautiful explanation on why women should date the nice, awkward and shy guys. Patton says, “They’re not the cool guys right now, but they’re likely to be the most successful. They’re the ones who will probably be the best husbands and fathers.”
The reason I agree with this quote is because these shy, nice guys normally haven’t had many relationships, so whenever they do, they always try their best to please their girlfriends. They don’t take women for granted. For them, a woman is a rare treasure and should be treated as such.
“Marry Smart” has a lot of bad advice and some good advice, but the media is coming down way too hard on Patton. In the book’s introduction, Patton says that these ideas are just advice; take it or leave it. If people resented everyone who gave them bad advice, then we’d all be anti-social.
We shouldn’t shun people because they give bad advice; the free exchange of ideas is one of America’s founding principles. So, perhaps one day The Princeton Mom will write about more important theories and deliver a diamond, rather than hit-and-miss theories.
