Social media exploded when Santa Claus, patron of Christmas, revealed his outfit for this year’s midnight gift run. The suit is minimalist — red with white trim, completely devoid of Christmas cheer. People can’t seem to understand why his outfit isn’t embroidered with snowflakes, reindeer and pine trees.
One man, Jacoby Einstein, posted a 15-minute rant on YouTube about Claus’ negligence and anti-Christmas spirit. He encourages others to protest Claus with Christmas with lights that spell “Go away Santa Fraud” on their roofs.
“Can the ol’ jolly man do his job properly in his anti-Christmas get-up? No, I don’t think so. It’s just disrespectful,” said Einstein.
The Twitterverse joined in, with hashtags like #clauskilledchristmas, #redisforthedevil and #wherearethesnowmen.
“Red just doesn’t mean Christmas! #santaruinedchristmas,” said one angry Twitter user. Another wrote, “He might as well take a break this year. Christmas is cancelled, guys!”
A 2015 book titled “The Real Nick” revealed the process that Father Christmas has gone through since the 19th century. Mrs. Claus cuts the finest swaths of fabric in different shades of red, and Claus chooses the one that he fancies most. The white fur trim is donated by the Coca Cola polar bears, who live a couple streets down from the Claus family.
Many believe Claus’ plain red outfit signifies a war on Christmas.
“We simply can’t entertain this sort of anti-Christmas behavior,” Einstein said in an interview with CNN. “Might as well change his name to Satan, with that outfit. All he needs is horns, a tail and a pitch fork.”
Claus released a statement in response to the hype. “Under no circumstances can I see why any sane individual would think that this outfit, the same red design I wear every year, is not representative of everything I stand for. What other colors besides red represent Christmas, except maybe green?”
Several right-wing politicians called for their supporters to boycott Claus by making cookies for themselves and blocking their chimneys.
Parents are furious that they’ll have to buy gifts for their children this year.
“In what universe does Santa Claus refuse his duty to embody the Christmas spirit?” said Shirley Slough, mother of two. “Now I’ll have to go out and spend my own money on my children.”
“What is Christmas? Christmas is pine trees, polar bears, wreaths, snow men and nativity scenes. He doesn’t embody any of that,” said Slough.
Claus said there’s no reason to believe that Christmas isn’t happening this year.
“I’m still making my round-the-world trip, even for all you naughty, misguided adults,” he said. “This year, I may shoot for record time.”
