The other day, after a phone call with his mother, my roommate turned to me and said, “Bro, I somehow miss home today.” His spontaneous words left a moment of silence between us for seconds. It was not an awkward silence, but a moment of unspoken sympathy. He knew how much I had been miserably thinking of my family, and now I knew he sometimes did as well. I was going to tell him something more supportive and advisory, but instead, I was just able to say, “This is what you are supposed to go through. So it’s okay, just keep going.”
He is not the only one to tell me such things recently though. Many of my friends, mostly freshmen, started to express missing home by becoming less enthusiastic about meet-ups or hangouts and calling home more frequently.. I totally understand the shift, and personally termed it “Freshmen-ism on the third stage.” Remember about two months ago, how dynamic and energetic everyone was during move-in week, meeting new friends, exploring the campus and decorating their own living spaces – that was the first stage – discovery. Then, as classes began and everyone found a homework or dinner “crew” for themselves, people also began to deepen relationship bonds and learn how to adapt to new people, schedules and pace of college life. The second stage – interaction and adjustment. As time goes by and midterms come and go, there is a shift in how we perceive our surroundings, and thus, our overall attitude changes. We soon realize that we are no longer being appealed by the place that is gradually becoming familiar to us, and at the same time, we have to acknowledge the accumulation and difficulty of schoolwork. As a result, we find it easy to experience some negativity in thinking and inadvertently fall into the sense of homesickness – the third stage, nostalgia.
Homesickness is not as bad as many would think; instead, it is necessary to balance the pace of life filled with assignments, exams, extracurricular, part-time jobs and parties. However, the inability to control it properly may result in stress, feeling overwhelmed and even despair, which negatively affects one’s college performance as a whole. Fortunately, there is always an art of managing or lessening homesickness that can be conducted in various methods, depending on the level of the crisis. Being an international student from Vietnam in the U.S. for three consecutive years, I would say that homesickness has become my friend. The hurt it brings is engraved in every part of me. But I enjoy it, or more correctly, have learned how to handle it and have turned it into an indispensable, stunning color of the portrait of my overseas study experience. I am more than willing to share my experience to whoever may need it. To talk about it is to give myself a powerful moment to reflect on the tears and smiles that I am so proud of and grateful for.
Level 1 – you are neither lonely nor depressed; you feel somewhat homesick at certain points when something awakens reminiscences of home or when you feel overwhelmed with on-goings. You may feel uneasy to feel such a way when you are in the middle of your settings.
Level 2 – you are not depressed but you feel lonely and homesick often. You find it hard to get connected and would rather talk to somebody back home or do things by yourself than reach out to new people, but overall, you are in control of how you feel.
Level 3 – you feel extremely homesick and lonely most of the time, which causes depression. You experience an upsurge of unbelonging continuously and tend to spend time thinking pessimistically. You do not know how to control the way you feel.
Acceptance is the open gate to any solution
Homesickness is real, and so is loneliness, pressure and disappointment. All we need to do is sit down, take a deep breath and face all of those realities. Life is always a matter of choice. I am so glad that at the beginning of college, instead of pushing myself to crowded places and trying to pretend that I was in the mood for socialization, I chose to call my sister back home and admit how terribly I missed our family. The two of us spoke of nothing else and cried over the phone for the rest of the conversation. That was not only a moment of sincerity and openness, but of naked truth, relief, and acceptance. I cried so much that painful night that there have been no more tears rolling down my face since then. I accepted myself, my emotional fragility and social impotence. I accepted that things always took time, and for now, it was okay to feel homesick and lonely. When I was typing these words, suddenly, I missed my family again, but I smiled slightly because it was a beautiful reminder of my roots and how much I will always be loved.
Find your way in
As soon as you feel accepted and have a more positive perspective on what you are going through, you instinctively know what you need to work on or how to “build” yourself a home away from home without reluctance. There is a huge spectrum of human personality, interests and thinking; therefore, what most people enjoy doing may not be what you are interested in. Focus on yourself, do what truly makes you feel alive, and soon you will find people on the same page. Be surrounded by those people because they will be a home away from home. However, make sure to remember that once in a while, it is great to move out of your comfort zone and try new things with new people. By doing so, you may discover your new favorites.
Conversation with counseling and yes, with me if desired
If you are still uncertain of what you are doing, or have done all of the above but still remain hopeless, then consider going to Henderson Student Counseling Center for help. Individual, long-term psychotherapy with an expert may be the best thing that could ever happen to you. Knowing that your safety is highly guaranteed with respect and understanding by the people that are trained to assist you, you will soon find a step-by-step path that unlocks your delightful, eager and real self. I am always here
for such a thing as well. Just keep in mind that you are an extraordinary change to the world whether you see it or not, and now it is time to be a change in your own life.
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To all of my fellow friends, this is how beautifully we are experiencing and growing as freshmen. Every moment of this land-marking year, either a blast of joyfulness or a paralyzing intensity of solitude, is worth a journey of youth that only exists once. We fall down. We stand up. We love. We are loved. We gain more than we are aware of. Keep your heads up high and your feet steady; everything that is happening to you now, happens for a reason!
Sourced: K. Kumatomb
