The pandemic has been hard on everyone in many different ways and everyone has begun to learn a new way of living, but something that many people have neglected to learn is conflict resolution.
With the upcoming holiday season and the prolonged pandemic, many people will be spending a lot more time with their immediate family for a lot longer than they originally planned. A good form of self-preservation is learning about conflict resolution and how to diffuse tense situations with family members. That being said, here are some tips and tricks for family conflict resolution as well as some recommendations and thoughts from Judith McKay, an associate professor of conflict resolution and community studies and the director of community resolution services at NSU.
Take a deep breath
One of the first things that someone should do to diffuse a tense situation is to take deep breaths. This allows you to think before you speak and also gives you a chance to calm down.
“Listen with a new ear, like you’ve never heard it before,” said McKay.
She suggests that we should be willing to listen, which can be done while we take a breath.
Resolve problems right away
It’s not recommended to let negative feelings fester inside of oneself for too long. If emotions are bottled up for too long, there is a chance of them exploding at the worst times, in the worst settings and on the wrong people.
“Conflict resolution can be positive if people sit down and deal with it,” said McKay.
However, that is not always possible.
McKay offered us a solution: “Sometimes, it can’t be resolved, but it can be managed.”
Control your emotions
Learning to control your emotions is one way to manage your unresolved conflict. This means not thrusting your negative emotions on others, which might also mean holding your tongue.
“Another tip is to understand that conflict can simply be that you disagree,” said McKay.
Knowing this can help you positively control your emotions. Some ways of doing that are thinking before you speak, taking a deep breath or even going somewhere else mentally until you are calm enough to return to the situation. Once you have better control over your emotions, you might be able to find a solution to plenty of family conflicts.
Communicate
One of the most important ways of defusing family conflicts is having good communication. Sometimes, you need to speak about what’s bothering you, but sometimes, you need to listen to others. Making sure you understand what your family members are saying and feeling understood by them will ensure that you have good family relations.
Remember to always be willing to listen.
“Avoid words like ‘always and ‘never,’” said McKay.
Her other advice for good communication is to practice.
“Let’s practice conflict resolution because the more we practice the better it gets,” she said.
Watch your tone
You should always make sure that your message is being interpreted correctly. That being said, make sure your tone of voice and body language reflect what your words are saying. Sometimes, our words are soft, but our tone of voice and body language is aggressive and makes our family members feel attacked.
McKay said, “Nonverbal communication is more prevalent than verbal communication,” meaning that your body language and tone play a part in your communication.
Making sure that your words reflect your body language is a key way of ensuring good communication in the family.
“Keep an open mind and a neutral face,” said McKay.
Schedule your heart-to-heart
McKay recommends that people schedule a difficult conversation instead of just starting one out of the blue.
“Plan to have the conversation when people won’t feel rushed. Schedule it literally and prepare for it by trying to think of it in a different perspective,” said McKay.
Family conflict is not fun, but with some of these tips, you might be able to resolve more situations than before. Always remember that communication is key, and conflict resolution is very important because it affects your mental health.
