London native Sarah Everard began walking home from her friend’s home just past nine o’clock on March 3. The walk from her friend’s flat to her own residence was estimated to be less than an hour’s walk; an easy walk for most young people. If you’re a woman, the concept of walking alone at night can be dangerous, but Everard did everything she was supposed to do. She walked in well-lit areas, she called her boyfriend and she didn’t have both earphones in. Sometime during her walk home, she went missing, and her body was confirmed to have been found nine days later.
Unfortunately, Everard’s story is not uncommon, and while her alleged killer was arrested, many are never caught or charged. In the days following Everard’s disappearance, the case raised international attention and women took to social media sharing their stories of loved ones lost to femicide or their own stories of harassment and sexual assault. The conversation quickly turned to the perpetration of rape culture, specifically by men. Some men on the internet quickly took offense — how dare we loop them in with such degenerates? Thus, #NotAllMen trended on social media platforms for several days.
The “Not All Men” argument has existed for years before Everard’s case. As far as sources show, it was first tweeted as early as 2011, but has existed in many verbal forms for years before that. If you’re a woman, you’ve probably heard one of the following; “Not all men are like that,” “I would never do something like that” or “I’m a nice guy.”
This argument poses several problems. Firstly, if the first response you have to a woman sharing her story of harassment and gender inequality is to absolve yourself of blame by saying “not all men,” you are part of the problem they are talking about. It does not contribute to the conversation or make any real change. It just points out that there are some men who would not harass, stalk, rape or murder women. Thank goodness for that, I guess.
Secondly, if almost every woman you know has a story where a man made them feel genuinely unsafe, then you have to acknowledge that it is a male dominated problem. According to the National Sexual Violence Resource Center, one in six women are sexually assaulted in their lifetime, and that is just based off of statistics regarding officially reported cases. Genuinely, almost every woman I know has a story of a time where a man made them fear for their safety.
I know generalizations can be harmful, and I am not trying to push aside the fact that statistics show that one in 10 men are victims of sexual abuse in their lifetime, but I am saying that in a society that is dominated by the patriarchy, the silencing of women by the outcries of men trying to absolve themselves and other men has gone on for far too long. When women talk about being afraid of men, they’re also talking about the societal institutions that let men be excused for offenses against them.
Women should not be afraid to walk home alone at night. After sharing their stories, they should not have to argue with men who are trying to separate themselves from the men who were in those stories. We know it’s not all men, but it’s enough men to be worth talking about. It’s hard enough to be heard as a woman, and even harder if you’re a woman of color or a woman in the LGBTQ+ community. If you really want to show that you’re not one of those men, make a safe space for women to talk and make sure that they’re the ones being heard.
