Seriously Kidding: Professor passes all students on account of “all answers” being right


She’s every student’s dream come true. Nora Ong, professor in the College of Finding the Self, has announced that she will not fail any student who takes her midterm this week because any answer could be the right one.

“Truth is really subjective anyway that you look at it,” said Ong. “Facts are malleable and you don’t really have to accept them if you don’t want to.”

Ong’s innovative view on the world aligns with a school of thought known as Factual Construction Theory, which has been gaining more traction in recent years. The theory essentially states that even with all the scientific procedures, methods of eliminating bias and attempts at discovering new information, true knowledge stems from what the individual wants to believe is true, making all the research and effort scholars have put in for decades ultimately moot.

“Just think about it,” she said. “It hasn’t been treating them well so far.”

Ong’s students seem thrilled by her decision, as she is one of the first professors to move in this direction.

“Honestly, I thought I was going to have to learn theories and stuff but now my week has opened up. No studying for me!” said Dylan Ignoracio, pursuing his doctorate in self-centered studies.

Ignoracio said that the Factual Construction Theory is his new favorite strategy for denying information he doesn’t like.

“Now, I have something other than ‘Fake News!’ to yell all the time,” he said.

Some traditional professors, like Aru Kidinme of the College of Life Lessons, worries that this strategy will ultimately hurt students rather than help them.

“I just think that students need to know that there is right and wrong,” said Kidinme. “And we need to give them the chance to be wrong so they can develop.”

Ong disagrees.

“No one likes to be wrong,” she said. “Why would I punish my students that way?”