Last year at my old college, my friend was sexually assaulted at a party. It was a Saturday night at 3 a.m., and I got a phone call from her. She was crying hysterically into the phone, telling me how a guy at a party had sexually assaulted her just moments before.
She willingly went to the basement at a house party with a guy she barely knew and he wanted more than she did. As soon as I heard this, my first thoughts were, “Well, what did she expect to happen if she went to the basement during a party with a guy?” Even though I know now that what I was thinking was wrong, I honestly felt, at the time, that she should have known better. It took me a while to realize that I was indirectly taking his side and somewhat justifying his actions. I didn’t realize it then but I was unknowingly participating in victim shaming.
Victim shaming is blaming crime victims, either completely or partially, for the crime committed against them. Victim shaming changes what it means to be a victim by taking the fault off the suspect and placing the fault on the victim, excusing the suspect in some ways. Victim shaming makes victims feel that what they experienced was their own fault. It takes a heartbreaking and violent situation and makes it insignificant. Victim shaming also allows individuals who have no part in the crime to judge the victim and the legitimacy of their experiences.
We often perceive that it is the woman’s fault when a man makes unwanted sexual advances, and it’s wrong. There are many myths and rumors we need to educate ourselves on to see how offensive victim shaming is. One myth is that once a man gets sexually aroused, there’s no going back, as he is not in control of his own body. This idea is deranged. What makes us human is the fact that we have control over our own bodies. Men can quite easily control their bodies just as well as anybody else, even if they are aroused. Finally, just because a woman dresses a certain way, it doesn’t justify a man’s violent actions toward her.
We also have to ask ourselves some critical questions as to what the truth is behind victim blaming. Does a person’s clothing or the way they carry themselves make them more likely to get raped or assaulted? Not at all. Rape is not about how attractive a woman is or her behavior; it’s about dominance. We need to get rid of this stigma that rape is associated with dressing and acting “slutty.” Most women are raped by people they know, be it a coworker, boyfriend, classmate or acquaintance. According to the 2010 National Intimate Partner and Sexual Violence Survey “51 percent of female victims were sexually assaulted by a current or former intimate partner and 41 percent were sexually assaulted by an acquaintance.” Only 14 percent were assaulted by strangers.
If a person walks into a bad neighborhood, should they expect to be mugged? No, they shouldn’t. Why is it not the same for a woman who wears revealing clothing? Just because a woman is dressed a certain way doesn’t mean that she wants a guy to whisper raunchy remarks in her ear about her appearance or, by any means, sexually assault her. The idea that the clothing on a woman speaks louder than a verbal “no” is ludicrous. We all have to work together to banish victim blaming and squash the idea that anything other than explicit consent determines whether or not “she was asking for it.”
