Women have the right to vote, the right to work wherever they want, and the right to — for the most part — control their reproductive health, but it seems as if women don’t have the right to simply say “no.”
Female autonomy isn’t just about the right to say “no” to a guy without feeling bad; it’s about respecting women as human beings who are capable of making their own decisions, regardless of how bad they seem to be.
Women deal with contrasting pressures when guys seem to show romantic interest, but they don’t reciprocate these feelings. In one regard, a woman doesn’t want to assume that a guy is flirting and automatically reply, “Thanks, but I’m not interested in you in that way.” To reject someone prematurely when advances are subtle and unclear makes the woman look crazy, stuck up, rude and overdramatic, and no one wants to be thought of that way, especially if the person wasn’t interested at all and was only being nice. At the same time, if the woman doesn’t say anything right away and lets the situation continue until motives are obvious, she is guilty of leading him on or being a tease, or, even worse, she becomes a victim of violence — and then society blames her for the detrimental outcome of her situation.
It may seem petty to argue for the right to reject someone, but considering the propensity of men to act out violently against women who say “no,” lives depend on it. In 2014, the Center for American Progress reported that male intimate partners murdered one-third of all female homicide victims in the U.S. In 2015, The New York Times reported that 1 in 4 women in the U.S. are victims of sexual assault on college campuses, and, according to the Rape, Abuse & Incest National Network, 1 in 6 women in the U.S., overall, are the victims of rape or attempted rape.
In addition, there have been several cases of murderers who have explicitly referred to rejection as the motive for their actions. For example, according to the LA Times, in 2014, Elliot Rodger was so upset about women constantly rejecting him that he entered a sorority house in Isla Vista and killed three women, injuring 13 more. Last month, Caroline Nosal, a grocery store employee in Madison, Wisconsin, was murdered by her coworker because she didn’t reciprocate romantic feelings for him. According to mic.com, her murderer, Christopher O’Kroley, even said it was “easy” to murder her because he “wanted more” than just a friendship, and she rejected him. Unfortunately, these are only a few examples of a major issue that affects the lives of millions of women in the U.S.
Granted, not every man is creepy and violent, and there are copious men out there who do respect women as equals, but disrespecting female autonomy is clearly a common trend in society, and every violent act against women who only said “no” should not be treated as an isolated case. These cases represent the new normal, in which every other day, there’s another story about a man who assaulted a woman in the news. These examples epitomize how little respect men have for female autonomy and how fragile male pride is.
Society celebrates men for their strength and being in charge. It’s socially expected for men to be proud and control their relationships. Society views women, on the other hand, as objects for male pleasure and expects women to comply with male desires. If a woman doesn’t comply and rejects the man’s power, it affects that male’s pride. As a result, many men choose to exert their masculinity in other ways, such as resorting to violence and force. This is also the reason why society frequently advises men to put “their women in place,” going so far as to celebrate it.
Rejection, in general, hurts, but it happens to everyone. Sometimes, we don’t get into our dream schools or get the job we were really hoping for. However, professional and academic rejections are less likely to result in a violent response than romantic rejections, and that really shouldn’t be the case.
So, if a girl says “I’m not interested,” please respect her opinion, leave her alone, and don’t expect her to change her mind. Having the maturity to move on past the rejection instead of spending the rest of your life in jail just to get back at someone is certainly the smarter decision overall. And it is also the morally correct thing to do, as women are people, too.
