“Breaking Dawn: Part 1” revamps the whole Twilight experience

If “Breaking Dawn: Part 1” wasn’t causing seizures, it was blowing the minds of Twihards everywhere. It was possibly the best installment of the series since it’s launch with “Twilight (2008)”, starring Kristen Stewart as Bella Swan, Robert Pattenson as Edward Cullen, and Taylor Lautner as Jacob Black. Seriously, these actors came a long way from their awkward debut back in 2008. Let’s take a moment to applaud Stewart for discovering a new facial expression just in time for this blockbuster hit.

For those devoted fans who kept “Breaking Dawn” closer to them than the Bible, this movie did not stray too far from the actual storyline of the book — a taboo which is never appreciated. The movie kicks off with the pivotal moment when Jacob rips off his shirt (cardiac arrest, anyone?) in outrage over Bella’s wedding invitation. The scene cuts to Bella preparing for her wedding to the vampire godsend, Edward.

Brief recap for those of you living under a rock. Bella is a human girl who happens to fall in love with a vampire, Edward. Her best friend, Jacob is also desperately in love with her but turns out to be a shape shifting “werewolf” whose wolf pack despises the bloodsucker and his entire vampire family. I know, it’s a lot to digest, but try and keep up.

I’ll be honest. Her wedding was freaking perfect. It blew my mind seeing Stephanie Meyer (author of the “Twilight” saga) make a cameo as a guest at Bella and Edward’s wedding — super nice touch, Summit Entertainment. The long-awaited walk down the aisle was perfected in the loveable-awkwardness of Bella and her like-minded father Charlie (played by Billy Burke). Yes, some tears were shed after the “I-do’s” but the reception was balanced by in-the-know comedy. Jessica (played by Anna Kendrick) gave yet another speech in this film that was equally memorable as her last at the graduation ceremony in “Eclipse” (2010). I can still hear the screams from the pre-teen brigade when Jacob made his unforgettable second appearance (he kept his shirt on this time, so it wasn’t too breath-taking) to dance with Bella one last time. Lautner gave his best performance of the series. Passionate and heartfeld, it was almost as though he jumped out of the pages of “Breaking Dawn”.

OK, time for the dirt. How much sex can you fit into a movie without turning it into porn? Ask director Bill Condon. I get that the whole half of the story is based on the marital relations of a human and vampire, but sheesh…enough already. Sorry Twi-pervs, but the sex scene did not sell it for me and just made me feel uncomfortable around all the pre-teen girls drooling on themselves. Though they weren’t entirely graphic, it was still more PDA than I’d prefer to watch surrounded by 12-year-olds.

I can’t really determine the best part of the movie’s sexy-scenes. It had to be either the obsessed girls taking pictures of the screen (a blinding flash engulfing the movie every few seconds. Thanks for that much needed Facebook photo, dorks), the endless, and I mean endless, screaming, or the boyfriends of the crazed fans yelling obscenities into the darkness. It may have been a magical experience for Bella, but not me.

I won’t divulge too much information on the rest of this movie for fear of my life — I know some of you all want to catch it after the prepubescent crowds die down, or just…die. Let’s jet-set: Edward and Bella have amazing sex, Bella gets pregnant…after all that unprotected sex, what a shock right? Seeing unnatural early signs of pregnancy, she is rushed back to Forks, WA and begins treatment to eradicate the monstrous “thing” that is growing inside of her. Edward despises his child while Bella adores it. They both soon find out their bundle of horror is actually a miracle with gifted powers of its own.

Arguably, the best part of the movie was the end. Spoiler alert: if you don’t want to know, don’t read. I mean it was done unbelievably well; Bella is being burned from the inside from Edward’s venom after she suffers from heart failure and falls into a coma. Her body is mangled from the effects of birthing an inhuman baby, and I’m actually surprised at how realistically grotesque she looked — major props to their costume and makeup team. Stewart, I believe, uncovered her niche in embodying the role of the ideal comatose patient.

Everyone in the theatre lost their minds as Bella’s body began repairing itself from the venom and then the grand finale when her coma-ridden eyes opened to reveal her new ruby-reds.

Check out this movie if you haven’t already (hell, see it again. I’ll join you). You definitely need to be a fan of the series to catch many of the jokes and references, so unless you’re familiar with the story I wouldn’t recommend seeing it.

Buuuut, if you’re a hardcore fan (it’s OK, you don’t need to admit it) definitely head out to experience the best movie out of the series. You won’t be disappointed. If you’re anything but a brainless Muppet you’ll check out “Breaking Dawn: Part 1.”

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