Star Wars Episode I: A menace to society

A long time ago in a galaxy far, far away, one could see a movie that wasn’t in 3D. Shocking, I know. It seems every movie is now milking the 3D cash cow. It’s one thing to rerelease “The Lion King” and “Beauty and the Beast” in 3D, as these are actually masterpieces. It’s another thing to rerelease “Star Wars Episode I: The Phantom Menace.”

When I saw the commercials for this, one simple word came to mind: Why? Every diehard Star Wars fan is still trying to repress this failure of a film 13 years after its initial release.

The day the “Phantom Menace” came to theaters was one that was supposed to be joyous and splendid. Oh how we were duped. The Star Wars fan in all of us took a blow that day. Some remained hidden in their Chewbacca masks for days, while others were in a state of denial and refused to even acknowledge just how abysmal this film actually was.

Why was this movie so terrible? Three words: Jar Jar Binks. Jar Jar Binks is without a doubt the most annoying movie character of all time, and to take it even further, his character alone might be the biggest regret in cinema history. The force was definitely not strong in this one. You know you have a problem when C-3PO is no longer the most disliked figure on the screen.

Not even a cast featuring Liam Neeson, Natalie Portman and Ewan McGregor could save this film. Who’s going to dish out $15 to see this movie in 3D? I honestly couldn’t tell you. Seeing this movie once on the big screen was more than my Jedi mind could handle. Last time I checked, Jar Jar Binks in 3D was still Jar Jar Binks.

Before you go out and waste your money, just remember: this isn’t the movie you’re looking for.

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