According to a 2005-2007 study conducted by the CDC, 17.4 percent of young women and 12.9 percent of young men 18-29 years old reported having at least one of six selected chronic conditions. While this study only accounts for six illnesses, arthritis, asthma, cancer, diabetes, heart disease and hypertension, there is a wide range of other illnesses and conditions that this age group may be suffering from. 18-29 year olds make up a large percentage of those going to college— a task made considerably more difficult if a student has to manage a chronic condition on top of their course load. Potentially even more unfortunate, there’s not a lot of education given to healthy, “able-bodied” people on what it’s like to live with a condition that causes extra time tax, stress, fatigue and more on a daily basis. Here are a few tips on how to support a friend with a chronic illness, whether they’ve been living with it for a long time or they were diagnosed yesterday.
Listen to them and understand what they’re saying
While this may seem like a no-brainer, sometimes people just need to be heard. If someone feels confident and trustworthy enough to confide in you about their chronic condition, pay attention to what they’re saying. If they tell you they need more time to do something, they need to take a break or they want to reschedule plans, don’t automatically assume they’re lazy or wanting to ditch you. Chronic conditions can be unpredictable, and while it may disappoint you, it’s fairly likely that they don’t want to have to deal with it either.
Don’t assume anything
Just because your aunt’s dog’s groomer’s cousin has the same condition as your friend and can manage it well on a daily basis, doesn’t mean your friend can. Chronic illnesses impact different people in different ways, and just because something works for one person doesn’t mean it will for another. Additionally, people experience symptoms at different levels of severity— one illness might allow someone to live a next-to-normal life, while for someone else it requires the use of a wheelchair to participate in daily activities. On top of that, many people go through “flares,” or times where their illness is worse on them. Just because they were able to do something three weeks ago doesn’t necessarily mean they can do it now.
Educate yourself
If your friend is willing to tell you what condition they live with, consider reading up on it online, whether that be through medical journals or others’ blog posts. This will help you understand why they feel the way they do, what may make the condition worse, what they may need to do to fix it, etc. However, this does not give you the right to act as their doctor. While you may have good intentions, don’t offer medical advice. If you hear of a treatment that you think might benefit them, bring it up, but don’t be offended if they don’t want to try it. It’s not that they don’t want to get better, but more likely that they’ve already tried it, aren’t willing to go through with it, they’re not able to or have found any other reason not to— after all, it is their body.
Support them in the ways you can
Watching a friend or loved one deal with a chronic illness can make you feel helpless, because there’s not always much you can do to help them with what they’re going through. However, what you can do is support them. If they tell you they can’t go out, or do something with you, don’t be angry. Offer them your ear or your shoulder to cry on, or even ask if it’s alright if you come over to spend time with them where they’re more comfortable. Everyone is different, and everyone will respond and cope differently with chronic illness. Do what you can, listen to what they need, and understand that even though this might be difficult for you to handle as well, they are the ones with the condition.
