In honor of Teen Dating Violence Awareness month and Valentine’s Day, it’s important to recognize that dating in college is common, and especially with COVID-19, people may be craving a healthy human connection with someone they can be intimate with. According to Time, 63% of college-aged men and 84% of college-aged women want to be in traditional relationships rather than uncommitted or casual relationship patterns. For those who might be looking for some advice in starting a new relationship, enriching a pre-existing one or even focusing on themselves for a while, here is some professional guidance to maintain a healthy relationship.
For those in a relationship…
Whether your relationship is a week or a decade old, it’s important that efforts are made to satisfy the needs and desires of all involved.
According to Laura Bennett, NSU’s Title IX coordinator, communication is the key to ensuring couples are communicating their feelings and checking in with each other about what they seek within the relationship and acknowledging any changes as they arise.
It’s common in college relationships for changes to arise as students take more involved steps of building a life with the other individual, in terms of sharing financial responsibilities, moving in together and building a career together for instance. With more intense relationship milestones, which may be stressed or exacerbated by COVID-19, it’s important that couples participate in healthy conflict.
“Couples who are or may be experiencing conflict in the pandemic are stuck at home or being kept apart. Long-distance relationships have taken on a whole new form in the pandemic, so being able to respectfully, openly and consistently talk about disagreements is very important under these circumstances,” said Kirsten Wood, graduate assistant for Title IX prevention initiatives.
Both Bennett and Wood highlighted that a key element of a healthy relationship is maintaining a sense of independence, which entails also being committed to each other’s personal growth. In relationships where people navigate new stages of life or milestones as a couple, it’s valuable to balance the vulnerability, dependence and independence on each other and how that may evolve over time based on past, present and future experiences.
Looking for a relationship…
On the other side of the coin, there are those individuals who are looking to start a relationship or dating. As Wood explained, COVID-19 provides many challenges to this pool of individuals, but having a clear line of communication and potentially exploring dating apps is a way to avoid exposure and keep people safe.
“In the pandemic, negotiating boundaries looks different. It’s higher stakes. Being able to find someone who has a compatible risk-profile to you in terms of navigating comfort levels and willing to communicate and negotiate within your comfort level is important, and if they aren’t willing to meet expectations, then that’s a red flag to keep in mind,” said Wood.
Wood mentioned that, even before creating a dating profile, people must be honest with themselves and their intentions before putting themselves out there. By checking with themselves first and being honest about their identity, passions and what they are looking for, it allows others to understand their perspective and move forward to finding what they are looking for.
In terms of putting yourself out there, safety should also be a priority. Catfishes, scammers and even just rude people may be on the receiving end of a text. It’s important to put your safety first and play it safe when necessary.
“I always caution students about oversharing, especially with images, because once you send something, you can’t get it back, and if it’s someone you just met, that can be risky,” said Bennett.
Wood pointed out that popular dating apps like Bumble and Hinge offer chat functions that allow the user to limit people’s ability to find your location and provide a degree of comfort in terms of “unmatching” or the ability to disengage easily when the conversation gets uncomfortable or you are no longer interested.
Focusing on self-love…
It may be that you just got out of a relationship or are looking to take a break from the dating scene. Whatever the case may be, no one should ignore the arguably most important relationship we are all in: the one with ourselves.
“We live in such a weird time right now and it may be an easy excuse to say, ‘You know what? I don’t know if I’d want to meet the person of my dreams right now’ and focus on yourself and all the things that we can’t do right now. It’s kind of a good excuse to not be in a relationship right now, and it’s okay not to be. I hope that people feel [more free] to embrace being single and focusing on themselves if that is where they’re at in their lives,” said Bennett.
With COVID-19, a lot of people may be concerned about opening themselves up to exposure. Keep in mind that as the NYC Health Department stated in “Safer Sex and COVID-19,” you are your safest sex partner. Now is as good as time as any to explore and better understand your own needs while you have the opportunity to do so.
For those interested in more information, they are encouraged to visit the link here for virtual resources on a variety of topics, such as signs of an unhealthy and healthy relationship, consent and intimate partner violence.
Students are also encouraged to explore the resources below for local and national resources.
LOVE IS RESPECT
www.LoveIsRespect.org | 1-866-331-9474 or 1-866-331-8453 | text “loveis” to 22522
Contact LoveIsRespect if you want to talk to someone, need advice about your relationship or a loved one’s relationship, or if you have legal questions .
NATIONAL DOMESTIC VIOLENCE HOTLINE
1-800-799-SAFE (7233) | www.thehotline.org
NDV Hotline provides lifesaving tools and immediate support to enable victims to find safety and live lives free of abuse. Call if you would like more resources or information, or if you are questioning unhealthy aspects of your relationship. On the website, you can also find a helpful chat feature in English and Spanish.
NATIONAL SEXUAL ASSAULT HOTLINE
1-800-656-HOPE | www.rainn.org
The National Sexual Assault Hotline provides basic information for victims or friends/family of victims, short-term crisis intervention and support, answers to questions about recovering from sexual assault, and resources to assist with the reporting process via hotline or chat.
THE TREVOR PROJECT
www.thetrevorproject.org/ | 1-866-488-7386
The Trevor Project is the leading national organization providing crisis intervention and suicide prevention services to lesbian, gay, bisexual, transgender and questioning (LGBTQ) young people.
- The NSU Center for Student Counseling and Well-Being
954-262-7050 or 954-424-6911 - Women in Distress of Broward County
(954) 760-9800 & info@womenindistress.org - The Nancy J. Cotterman Center
24 Hour Sexual Assault Helpline: 954-761-RAPE
