By: Brittany Eyres
How can a person identify if a friend is toxic? Sometimes the most toxic friendships are the hardest to let go.
“A toxic person is any individual that makes you feel insecure, guilty, worthless, or negative. Toxic people can be difficult to identify unless someone has very good insight and awareness,” said Allison Santero, a licensed clinical social worker and family therapy expert.
She said that people who are often toxic usually have traits like narcissism and even sociopathology. Sometimes toxic people aren’t as easy to spot.
“They can appear healthy in the beginning of the relationship but as time goes on their true colors begin to show,” said Santero.
If you feel guilty, insecure and/or worthless in a relationship, do not be afraid to speak up to your friend or partner.
“If the person refuses to believe that they are toxic, it is in your best interest to distance yourself from that person,” said Santero.
According to psychologytoday.com, a toxic person usually has eight common qualities: self-centered, drama-filled, gossiper, emotional, pessimistic, selfish, hardheaded and strongly opinionated.
Toxic people are self-centered.
Everything is about them. Want to talk about your weekend? They don’t care; they only care about what they did over the weekend. Something exciting happen to you? They have a more exciting story. You find yourself hiding your good news from them because you’re afraid they will make you feel undeserving of whatever it may be.
Toxic people live drama-filled lives.
The lives toxic people live usually are surrounded by a thick fog of drama. No matter where they are, some sort of drama is bound to follow. These kinds of people thrive on drama. It is what gets the person through their day. Most of the time it is at their friend’s expense. Do not trust this person with your secrets; they will most likely spill them to create drama. This ties along with gossip.
Toxic people are gossipers.
According to The Huffington Post, toxic people are usually untrustworthy. Want to know the latest gossip? Find a toxic person and ask them. Guaranteed they know about your mother’s cousin’s sister-in-law’s divorce story, or how you went out two weekends ago and kissed your best friend’s boyfriend. They will not stop until they know everything about everyone’s life.
Toxic people are explosive.
One second, they’re happy-go-lucky, life of the party, exciting people. The next second, they are ready to destroy anyone who gets in their way. They only care about their own emotions. Psychologytoday.com said that it may be an unexpected turn of events when the toxic person changes emotions. It is a constant battle with worrying when they might turn on you.
Toxic people are pessimistic and pass the blame
They look for the worst possible outcome. They pressure you to do things you do not want to do. They always look at the glass half-empty. According to psychologytoday.com, it will always be you with the issues, not themselves. Everything wrong about you is because they said so.
Toxic people are selfish.
There is one, and only one, person on their mind: Themselves. The “me me me” mentality is a very common sign of a toxic person. They act like they are the only person in the world with problems, plans and emotions. They expect you to drop everything when they need you, but the favor cannot be reciprocated. They also will become extremely angry when you hang out with other people but do not care how you feel if they hang out with other people.
Toxic people are hardheaded.
They can be the most stubborn person you have ever met. Huffington post said that “it is their way or the highway.” It will never be their fault. They simply cannot apologize and somehow figure out how to turn the situation onto you.
Toxic people are extremely opinionated.
Along with being stubborn, they have their opinion, and it is not going to change. No matter how wrong or right they may be, it is the only option.
The biggest thing to recognize from a toxic friendship is how one-sided it can be.
Gail Gross, a family therapist, relationship expert and researcher said that outsiders can often see how one-sided the relationship may be. More often than not, you find yourself dropping everything for this person. If they do not reciprocate the favor, this could be the biggest sign of the toxicity of the person.
If you want a second opinion, or if someone you know or love may be in a toxic relationship, Santero said: “Continue to be their support system. Encourage them to seek help and make themselves a priority.”
If you or someone you know is in a toxic relationship, friendly or romantic, Henderson Student counseling is available.
