Up until my most recent relapse, my mental health routine was much like the reoccurring homework reminder I had set up on my phone. Every night at 6 p.m. the notification reminder would pop up. I would hit “Remind me in one hour,” until I could no longer push it off. I would go through the motions, only doing what was absolutely necessary, and push off everything else.
Upon finishing, I’d tap “Mark as completed,” and go to sleep. Suddenly, I was three days into the 2018 winter semester when I had to take a serious step back and assess where I was at. I had spent the past month with absolutely no motivation, sleeping 12 hours a day, and was the most miserable I had ever been. I was too ashamed to ask for help because I had been doing so well. I didn’t know exactly what to do, but I knew I had to make a change.
Almost 20 percent of adults in the United States will experience a mental illness, according to National Alliance on Mental Illness. Let’s make that an easy number to visualize: one in five of us will be plagued with a mental illness. To go even further, young adults are more likely than any other age group to experience a mental illness, according to NAMI. Although not everyone will deal with a mental illness, we all have a mental health to nurture. A positive mental health is vital for success and until we break down the stigma surrounding it. Many will suffer silently for fear of being perceived as attention-seeking, crazy, or weak. This stigma is no one person’s fault. We can all be more mindful when it comes to the way we think and talk about mental health. September is National Suicide Prevention Month. Let’s work toward being unashamed to talk about our mental health. It will literally save lives.
Last semester, speaking up saved mine. I hadn’t seen my depression coming. It was like a light switch: I was adequately managing and then, without warning, I found it impossible to function. I took some time off to regroup and decided that I needed a higher level of care. This meant medically withdrawing from school and work and entering a facility that could help me in ways I couldn’t help myself. This was, without a doubt, the hardest decision I had ever had to make.
After reaching rock bottom, I am not ashamed of the past eight months. There is no part of me that regrets taking a semester off to ensure that I would be alive for the next one, and many more after that. That decision was the first step forward in my recovery. I have done so much work on myself since then. It was harder than anything I had ever done but, in hindsight, it has been so worth it.
If you’re reading this and you can’t really comprehend what it’s like to fight against your brain every second of the day, please be thankful. Although you may not personally be affected, you can take steps to help those who are. Start by lending a genuinely compassionate ear to a friend in need. You can also think about the words you use every day. Do you throw around diagnoses like they’re adjectives? Too often I hear people say “The weather is so bipolar!” or “I’m so OCD!” Disorders are not passing feelings and should not be thrown around lightly. We also need to take a look at how we talk about suicide. Referencing death by suicide as “committing suicide” is harmful. Someone “commits murder” or “commits sexual assault.” Death by suicide is not a crime. Let’s all start thinking about mental illnesses the way we think about cancer, diabetes, or any other physical illness. Changing your words and the context you use them in is a step in the right direction toward diminishing stigma.
If I could give my past-self one piece of advice, it would be that you are not alone. I struggled silently for too long because I thought I was the only one feeling the way I did. I am dedicated to speaking up about mental health in order to break down stigma. It’s not weak to ask for help. Mental illness is not a personal failure. Asking for help might be the most difficult step, but it’s the first and most important step on your road to recovery.
