Goodwill toward all mankind is a good thing, except when you’re trapped in a house with family who hasn’t seen you since last year and wants to know everything. And, then, of course, judge you.
Instead of dreading that walk through the door to your parents’ house like you’re walking the plank, use these five tips to help you survive the holidays with your family.
Go to your happy place
If well-meaning “Aunt Sylvia” starts harping about why you haven’t gotten married yet, start daydreaming about you and your favorite crush being the last two people alive on the planet. Oh, and you have to re-populate the Earth.
Prepare quick transitions ahead of time
It’s bound to come up. Mom, Dad or Grandpa are going to ask you that awkward question about what you are going to do with your life. Some of us just don’t know. Some of us are unsure how to get there. Most of us don’t want to talk about it over sliced chicken and green beans.
The solution is to have some topics that can swiftly change the conversation. Think of it as dangling a string in front of a cat. They instantly become focused on that string. Talking about the weather is cliché. Be more creative. For suggestions on topics, I suggest reading The Current.
Don’t talk about politics or religion
Nothing gets tempers flailing like these two issues. You’d be better off discussing war, serial killers and pedophiles. When you bring up either politics or religion, chances are, everyone will end up frustrated and unhappy for the entire holiday. If you were comfortable enough to tackle these controversial topics civilly with your loved ones, you wouldn’t need this list.
Safety in numbers
If you have that one relative who will back you up no matter what, stick to him or her as if you’re Siamese twins. Predators usually target the lone animals who have separated from the pack. If you use the buddy system, chances are, family members can’t easily ambush you with uncomfortable questions.
Be comfortable with long moments of silence
This is known as “the parent trap.” Mommy and Daddy know that if they remain quiet enough, their offspring will start babbling. I know I do. Babbling is dangerous because it leads to truths that you would rather your parents not know slipping out. Whether it’s that you had a one-night stand with your married professor or that you failed your journalism class, there are just some things that should be left unsaid.
These survival tips are sure-fire ways of easing the suffering of the holidays with pesky loved ones. The main thing to remember is that it could be worse. You could be the peaceful Native Americans who patiently sat around the table with strange foreigners who tried to convert them to a new religion. Then, they were slaughtered by the very people they had to put up with six months earlier. But I’ll tell you how to survive the summer with your loved ones some other time.
