Faceoff: Rejection

A woman always maintains the right to say no to a man’s flirtations, but there are honorable ways to do this, which many women seem to have forgotten.

I know many women have had plenty of bad experiences with men. However, women never have the right to insult a man the moment he approaches them, if he hasn’t done anything insulting or offensive beforehand. It has never been easy for a man to approach a woman who romantically interests him, and fear of these nasty rejections only makes it harder.

As a nerd, I can say I am familiar with every rejection technique imaginable. Neither my friends nor I have ever used perverted catch phrases or rudeness to get a woman’s attention. We simply say hello and talk about whatever seems relevant at the time. So, I can honestly say that my friends and I have never done anything to deserve terrible rejections.

Most rejections are truly uncalled for and nice guys are torn to shreds by the sting, making it that much harder for these men to purse the women they are interested in. For the sake of nice guys everywhere, let’s discuss how not to reject a man.

Please, ladies, don’t say the F-bomb or curse words to a good guy who has only been polite. A man approaching a woman with the intent to ask her out should be taken as a compliment. It means he thinks the woman he’s talking to is worth pursuing. It also takes an average of 15 to 20 minutes for a nice, shy guy to build up the courage to approach a woman.

Then there’s the oblivious rejection. This occurs when a guy tries to talk to a woman, and she pretends not to hear him. It’s extremely rude and any woman I see doing this is someone I don’t want to be associated with.

Ignoring someone trying to talk to a person in any situation is normally nasty, but not responding to a simple greeting or welcoming gesture implies this woman doesn’t have the guts to tell him she’s not interested. This method is cowardly because a simple “I’m not interested” is better than no response at all.

One of the worst kinds of rejections is “I’m not ready for a relationship right now.” Many women believe this is the best way of saying no and is a truthful response, but these women are misled.
The sad truth is romantic attraction is black or white: two people either want each other or they don’t. Many students say they are too busy for a relationship or they aren’t looking for romance because they just got hurt. However, when that person comes along who’s exciting and sexy in all the right ways, these problems immediately dissipate.

I’m not saying that the obstacles keeping you away from your heartthrob magically vanish, but the heart will force a person to solve these problems. No matter what’s going on in your life, whether it be work or heartbreak, attraction will force people to overcome these problems. Most men understand the black or white nature of attraction, so the phrase, “I’m not ready to be in a relationship right now” just comes off as an insult to our intelligence.

Many women say these rejections only come from rude and obnoxious females. Unfortunately, this is not true. Let’s say a nice, nerdy guy walks into a room full of 40 extremely beautiful women. About half of those women will give him a nasty rejection. I’ve lost count of how many times I’ve seen women I have known and respected for years use these nasty methods to brush off guys, simply because they weren’t physically attractive or because they seemed like losers. When I asked a lot of women why they did such things, this was their justification: “Unless you cut a guy down, they will never stop.”

Men don’t need to be “cut down” for being interested in a woman. No nice man should experience such nasty gestures because he wanted to talk to someone who might be out of his league.

The best way to reject a man’s advances is to tell him that you have a boyfriend. This is the perfect rejection because If the guy doesn’t know you, he’ll walk away feeling a little disappointed, but he won’t feel insulted or annoyed. However, if the man knows that the woman’s lying, he will recognize this as code for “I’m not interested.”

This is the best rejection because, if you use the honest I’m-not-interested approach, the man will feel insulted and think the woman is a jerk. Even though the woman isn’t a bad person, this assumption is a natural defense that allows men to cope with rejection.

If a man persists after he’s been given these responses, then, ladies, feel free to use whatever nasty methods you see fit. These guys are stooping low if they try to pick up another man’s girl. Also, if he knows the woman is lying and he still tried to flirt with her, then he is extremely unintelligent and needs the truth.

When a nice guy receives nasty barbs, it creates consequences women don’t see. Many of these men don’t think,“This girl is just nasty” or “I’m too good for her” after a rejection. They think, “Am I really that repulsive? Am I so ugly that she can’t stand the sight of me?” Nasty rejections slowly drain the confidence of these men and eventually they become the fearful, shy wrecks that you see sitting in the back of the room. This isn’t the sole cause of men becoming shy and unconfident, but it’s a big part of the process.

Guys will always try to get the girl. Some may be handsome. Some may be ugly. Every man who politely approaches a woman deserves a polite response from her whether she’s interested or not. Manners are necessary, charming and free. Hopefully, all of us will recognize that someday.

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