Seriously Kidding: NSU to remove campus cats to make room for new ones

In an effort to respond to the needs of cats that live on campus, NSU announced that it will be relocating them to local alleyways and street corners to make room for more cats at the university.

“Part of the 2020 Vision is providing a better and more lively life for the cats that live on campus, who we consider part of the NSU community. Because we want more cats to come to the university, we decided to make off-campus housing arrangements for the ones who are already here. They can visit during the day and partake in their normal tomfoolery and then they’ll also have new cat friends that live on campus,” said Kathy Leteer, director of campus cat life.

Leteer explained that the university didn’t feel right attracting new cats to the campus while not giving them a place to stay. Although the cats are unable to speak, students who claim to talk to them have opposed the announcement.  

“They [the cats] told me they didn’t really want any cat friends to come to the university, they just wanted more access to catnip and tater tots,” said Kitty spokesperson and sophomore biology major Cray Zee. “You can’t just kick them out.”

According to Zee, the cats are forming a petition that objects to their removal from campus. It reads “what do you think we are? Normal stray cats? Like at other universities? No” and is followed by a series of paw prints.

Leteer is confused about the apparent distaste for the movement. She said she thought bringing more cats to campus would improve the quality of life for the cats.

“It’d bring more excitement to campus. More cat groups could form and it would improve the university overall,” she said.

Zee said the cats disagree.

“The cats want more cat excitement but they do not believe the answer is more cats. There is no power in numbers,” said Zee. “The cats are putting their paws down. They’re the only cats that belong here.”

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