Growing up, every little girl had a dream of finding her own Prince Charming. We all wanted that one special guy to save us from our troubles and give us true love’s kiss. Now, all we really need is true love’s swipe, right? Why deal with evil stepsisters or slave labor to find a man when you can just download an app? Let’s face it ladies, Tinder is our very own fairy godmother.
Just like a fairy godmother, Tinder has the ability to make anyone look good and go from rags to riches. Instead of birds and mice helping us, we have Snapchat filters and Instagram. Cinderella didn’t show her Prince Charming her true self, so why should we? Showing people who you actually are is completely overrated. You have to put your best self on Tinder, even if you stretch the truth some. Who cares if you use pictures from two years ago or before you gained the freshman fifteen? It’s still you, and letting your man have unrealistic expectations of you is completely normal.
Who even cares what a bio says? Everyone knows a picture says a thousand words. If you do decide you want to write an “about me,” the best thing to do is say things you have absolutely no interest in. If you want to really snag a prince, just say you hate sports and are looking for a guy ready to settle down and have kids. Also, mention your desire to be a trophy wife. You’re a princess, so you deserve to be treated as such. You aren’t being high maintenance; you’re just letting them know what you actually deserve.
The best part about Tinder? You have an instant boyfriend. Who cares if you have multiple Tinder baes? It’s not really cheating if you’ve only talked online. There’s no awkward first date where you get to know each other, you just find everything out by stalking their profile. You both swipe right and you’re together. Make it Facebook-official and you’re practically engaged. Do you really want to go through the trouble of doing your hair and makeup for a date when you can just talk on the phone in your pajamas? You know you’ve really found a winner when they have their Instagram linked to their profile. It shows how open and honest they are, the real redeeming qualities you want in your boyfriend. But girls, always hide your Instagram from them. Do you really want them to see the pictures your friends tagged you in when you were in middle school? I think not. Double standards are always acceptable when it comes to Tinder.
If you unfortunately realize you’re with a frog and not a prince, kicking him to the curb is so simple. With just a click of the “unmatch” button, they are out of your life forever. There’s no need for the awkward “it’s not you, it’s me” conversation because honestly, it’s always them. Why give them an explanation? It’s only going to hurt their feelings, so just falling off the face of their Tinder world is the nice thing to do.
If you keep on Tindering, the dreams you wish will come true. Glass slippers are out of style, and obviously, you need to look your best to find your Prince Charming. Every girl deserves her happily ever after, and Tinder really is the only way to get it.
