I think we can all easily say that Santa Claus truly is a democrat. The man goes around handing out free things to everyone. Where does all this money come from? Does he have a budget? Is he piggybacking of the backs of the hardworking taxpayers? These are the real issues America needs to be […]
Tag: Satire
Seriously Kidding: Fluffing Hormones
Who doesn’t like a nice big fat piece of chicken on their dinner plate? Thanks to growth hormones, this is the new normal. So why stop there? Companies are now introducing a new growth hormone that makes dogs fluffier and rounder. Now you can have a spherical cloud follow you around all day bumping into […]
Seriously Kidding: New dining hall to go in the Alvin Sherman Library
Have you wanted to get Chick-Fil-A, McDonald’s, Wendy’s, Taco Bell or Chipotle on campus? Well the wait is officially over. The first floor of the Alvin Sherman Library is being converted into a dining hall with all your favorite fast-food restaurants! By the end of this semester, you will finally be able to binge eat […]
Seriously Kidding: NSU to enforce a new dress code
Recent scientific studies brought to NSU’s attention proved students have a higher graduation rate when a dress code or uniform is enforced. Because of this recent development, NSU has decided that implementing a uniform would be the best decision for the student body. “We just want everyone to have a safe place to work towards […]
Seriously Kidding: NSU theme park in the works?!
Have you ever wanted to go from the emotional roller coaster that is your class to an actual roller coaster? Well now you can…. at least in the future. Thanks to some hardcore investigative journalism, we can now confirm that NSU plans to remove the high school and replace it with a theme park. Now […]
Seriously Kidding: University to make life more stressful in response to student stress
Another study conducted by the Why Are We Like This Foundation found that the average American — especially current and incoming college students — suffers significantly negative effects of high levels of stress. The University of Pretending To Get It will implement another graduation requirement that is not only non-essential to their students, but is […]
Seriously Kidding: New linguistic study reveals that use of ‘literally’ deserves second look
Twenty-two-year-old Kelly Nicholas, a thought-to-be frequent flyer in linguistic hyperbole, exclaimed that after her phone fell into the water during a seaward selfie, she “literally died.” Intellectuals who were present simultaneously rolled their eyes at the reckless disregard for the literal meaning of the word, when closer inspection revealed that Nicholas was no longer performing […]
Seriously Kidding: Professor upset after showing up an hour late to find classroom empty
“An actual disgrace to their entire generation,” said Royale Knot, professor in the department of Literally Any College, referencing her Thursday afternoon class. Last week, Knot was dismayed to find that only three out of the 25 students she had in the class waited for her to arrive, despite being an hour late. “It’s just […]
Seriously Kidding: Girl who constantly claims to hate everyone confused at lack of friends
Nida Fren said that she was born knowing that she would hate everyone she meets. “Yeah, I’m just not like other girls I guess,” said Fren. “People just really annoy me.” Fren said that this constant annoyance causes her to wear shirts such as “I’m not racist, I hate everyone. I’m a humanist,” to constantly […]
Seriously Kidding: Student writes book about how reading is stupid
Senior communication major Issa Dumwon published her first and only book last week titled “All the Reasons Why Reading is Stupid.” She said she hopes that the book will help shed light on how often people waste their time reading, thinking they enjoy it or are getting some type of benefit from it. “It’s just […]